#catfinishesherdegree

Even though the journey is more important than the destination, it is essential we celebrate achievement. 

Wearing the cap and gown represents to me the hard won success in finishing my degree. 

When I started out seven years ago, I didn't know how my life would look. 

I have grown so much as a person. 

Getting a degree is not so much about the learning, but about the life lessons along the way.

#catfinishesherdegree

And with the click of the submit button

It was done 

Another goal realised ... No injury was going to be able to take this one off me  

*Mental Health in the Classical Era you moved me and made me realise we are no better off, if not worse now in our understanding 

*Gender Violence you cut so raw raw raw to the bone and made me so angry, but yet delivered my highest assignment marks

*Love and Sexuality in Ancient Greece you were somewhat R rated 

*Latin you sucked as much as a 41 year old as you did as a 14 year old

*Medieval Europe with my religious upbringing I had you covered

*Imperial Rome _thanks_ I think 

*Pursuit of Happiness in the Classical World you taught me so much and guided me in a time of ethical need

Today I have one last exam to sit and years of study are over - or are they?  

I applied and was accepted to study next year !! !! !! 

Goals and Dreams

At the beginning of the year I sat down with my Mr B and wrote a list of goals and dreams, some I 'knew' I would achieve, others I was 'certain' I would achieve . . . None I 'doubted' I would'nt achieve.

Things have changed . . . Hurdles in the name of injuries 

As I work through aspects of sadness and disappointment, I watch my heart deal with anger and frustration, quietly bleeding. 

We are all just living our stories, and some things have to happen to put us on the right path again, with a kindly reminder to ‘dream a little bigger darling’ or in my case look at what I have achieved rather than what I haven't.

Out of the 11 goals and dreams I have already achieved 4; next week I will achieve a further 2 and by the end of the year another 2.  

I need to give myself an opportunity to notice this place I am at, and find a starting point for a new journey, with new goals and dreams. 

I am sitting here wondering how to make the next steps happen, some of my answers are simple but yet at the same time complicated; letting go and trusting, is something I struggle to do, but yet the past six months have taught me to do.

Taking deep breaths , enchanted by some gentle encouragement from family, friends and professionals. I go outside to sit, read a trashy magazine and watch the sky for a while, as the clouds shift to reveal blue and let the sun shine through I think about later this week and the journey it will bring and 2 more of my goals and dreams will be ticked off.

I have been impatient and anxious for spring to arrive, and now it’s here with all it’s hope and promises.  Spring is rewarding my resilience with slow signs of progress, and reminding me summer will be here soon enough; meanwhile it’s time to appreciate where I am and what I have achieved.  

To live in the moment, enjoy the potential and notice new opportunities blossoming. 

Sometimes . . .

Sometimes you realise you have to start again and you never saw it coming.

Sometimes you just want inner peace when others are encouraging you to fight.

Sometimes you have to be strong when your inner bones are feeling weak.

Sometimes you have to stop yourself from drowning when just six months ago you were afloat.  

We all have these sometimes, and the most reassuring thing about them, is like with everything else .. .. .. 

As my darling insightful friend Deb says "This too shall pass"

Time ticks steadily by, and I might not know yet which steps to take, but I certainly do have choices; and walking through the messy bits, rather than trying to avoid any disappointment seems the best option. 

Meanwhile the clouds are starting to shift and I'm writing again. Sometimes I guess we are so busy searching we miss the things that seek us, and sometimes we have to be patient with our hearts, because winter is always followed by spring eventually. 

The Irony Isn't Lost On Me .. .. ..

This morning over coffee I was able to reflect on the words of the Nicomachean Ethics and put some of my own life and events into context.

There are three kinds of injury:

Those that are done in ignorance are 'mistakes' 

When the injury occurs contrary to reasonable expectation it is a 'misadventure'

When acting knowingly but without premeditation it is an 'injury'

With this in mind I thought back to February 13th and March 17th, significant dates relating to my injuries; were they mistakes, misadventures or injuries?

People are called courageous for enduring pain.  Hence courage implies the presence of pain and it is rightly praised, because it is hard to bear pain.  

This morning I spoke the words to my counsellor; I'm scared and frightened, it's been six months, what if I don't get better?

There have been too many times over the past six months where the pain has got on top of me and I've wanted to give up, this past week being the worst.  Miscommunication mixed with pain is not a good combination.  I have doubted myself; my pain (was I a hypercondriac), my ethics, my ability to succeed, even doubting the people around me.

This week I've suffered my biggest panic attacks in a long time. 

This week I have talked with many professionals about my 'injury' and the past six months and the natural feelings to which I am liable.   

Today I found myself thinking about the incidents, were they an injury a mistake or a misadventure?  

February 13th - misadventure

March 17th - mistake

For the person who caused it was doing wrong and their act resulted in my injury but this does not of itself make them unjust or wicked.  

Mistakes committed not only in ignorance but as the result of ignorance are pardonable.  

Today upon reading the 'Nicomachean Ethics Book V: Justice - Grades of Misconduct' I made peace within myself and the person responsible for my injury.  

The irony of my topic studies and my life lessons is not lost on me . . .