You'd think after losing 20kgs, wearing a size 8-10 and weighing 59kgs buying a bikini would be easy, a highlight, something to look forward to.
Think again
Buying a bikini is designed to mess with your head.
I have been pregnant 12 times, I have given birth to 2 beautiful miracles and 1 angel. I have had multiple surgeries for endometriosis, my appendix was removed at age 16 and my first born was delivered via c section. Having got up to 82kg and my journey back down again my body isn't without lines, stretch marks and scars.
After 6 months of healthy, clean, real eating, 6 months of 3x weekly personal trainer sessions and weekly cardio workouts I was looking forward to bikini shopping with a friend.
It had taken me a very long time to be able to look in the mirror and look at what bringing life into the world had left me with and to fully appreciate my body.
Two hours of bikini shopping and trying on every size shape and style of bikini all of my good work had been undone, my head was a mess and the teenager who had battled with bulimia well into her late 20's was starting to appear and the self loathing began.
Was it too much to ask for? I didn't want a bikini that showed my c section scar, all I wanted was my appendix scar covered and a top with underwire to give me the required shape and support. Surely at 41 I didn't need to invest in Nana togs (no disrespect to the Nanas).
Most bikinis are designed for teenage girl bodies. These bodies usually have not undergone multiply surgeries including the worlds ugliest appendix scar and a c-section.
They do not have stretch marks or saggy crepe like skin from pregnancies, and let's just put it out there gravity is kinder to teenage breasts than breasts of a 41 year old woman who has breastfed.
I left the modern surf shops with their itty bitty teeny weeny bikinis and found a wonderful beachwear shop which had the lil black bikini which fulfilled all my requirements and dried up my tears.
Still, when coming home I needed to try back on my 'before' jeans and take comparison photos of before and after the 20kgs to remind myself the teenage bulimic voices were wrong.
Bikini shopping is designed to mess with your head.
10 comments:
You are so beautiful. I love that you posted this. I agree that the abundance of made-for-teenaged-bodies clothing and swimwear can definitely mess with your head. So important to remember that it's not your body that's wrong, it's the clothing. I am so inspired by your efforts, well done! It's so hard to reach the "goal" and realise that it's not a finish line at all but an ongoing battle.
After having a splenectomy at the age of 24, just after I had my son, there was no way I would be happy wearing a bikini regardless of what my body looked like! Mind you I like the 'Nana' togs with the little skirt - personally I think they are more flattering and leave a little to the imagination....
Saying that though, looks like you made a good choice and you have a lot to be proud of - well done on losing all that weight, keep looking after yourself, eating healthily and staying fit and you will be right. Forget the bikini shopping! I gave up in my twenties - as you say bikinis are designed to mess with your mind...
Take care Cat.
I think you look beautiful. You and your body have travelled a road of highs and lows, but like you said in an earlier post, you're doing this for you and your kids...your daughter particularly. We've all got scars and lumps and bumps in our 40's. Yours are hard earned. Be proud of them. You're still here and obviously still strong xx
Just coming out of the breastfeeding journey I am realizing it is hard enough finding a decent bra that will stop the drooping - let alone a bikini that is on show! I tend to go for the retro one pieces for now but maybe one day I will have the confidence to wear a two piece again. You look amazing and have been through so much, bikini shopping, jeans shopping, it always leaves a sad girl, no matter what your shape or size. I am loving following your journey and your honesty. xxx
Good for you - you weren't tempted to crochet one??? :o) You are beautiful and I SO agree about needing an underwire - I find togs in general rather a disappointment in the bust department.
Lovely post. You look beautiful, when we look at our bodies and know what they have done then they are beautiful. The teen bodies will change, as their life changes and gravity takes hold! Being a mother and ALL that comes with it IS beautiful in it's self.
Our young girls are growing up with ever increasing pressure to look a certain way.
Concentrate on where you are NOW! Beautiful, slim, wearing a great bikini! Think what you have achieved,including two gorgeous children and a lovely supportive husband. Think of the battles you have won, overcoming bulimia, so many sad pregnancies and disappointments , and here you are today, a STAR! Enjoy swimming in your new togs.
You look fabulous!! Be proud of what you have achieved, and so you have a mummy tummy, much better that, than a beer belly hanging out like a lot of males on the beach.
Another good shop for real swim wear is Top Togs and Knitting in Papakura.
you are "amazeballs" as a teaching colleague of mine says! :)
Oh my goodness, how did I miss this post? You are amazing Cat. You have done AMAZING and you look FAB, and every one of your lines and scars tells a story that would make the teenage bikini wearers cry. And you look HOT in the bikini BTW! x
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